i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
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she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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