this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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