For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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