last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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