I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
