You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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