and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
