Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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