it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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