The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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