I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
