Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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