listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
