hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
