I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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