Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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