3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
