mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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