Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
