I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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