question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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