we have officially lost it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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