she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
