Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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