I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
