i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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