so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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