I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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