You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
