but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
