i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
