Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
