textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize