i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
