ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
