i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
