i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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