I showed him my bush... on skype.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dignity is for republicans.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
