k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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