If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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