the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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