I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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