He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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