i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
