why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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