did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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