She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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