This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
