I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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