I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
