My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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