You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
