Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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