he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
