this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
