oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
