I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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