Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
