You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
