she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
