I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
