Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
