if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
