Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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