what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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