I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Green mimosas i think yes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
