I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
