So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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