allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Soap is not a condiment
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
