fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
