Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
